On a Lighter Note (Congressional Quote of the Year So Far)

from The Huffington Post: "That Crack Cocaine Thing"

Senator Jeff Sessions simultaneously shocked and cracked up the Sotomayor hearing before the Senate Judiciary Committee on Thursday afternoon when he said he was looking forward to doing "that crack cocaine thing" with Senator Patrick Leahy and Wade Henderson, the president and CEO of the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights.

Sessions, in a casual tone, said "Mr. Henderson, It's good to work with you. Senator Leahy and I are talking during these hearings, we're going to do that crack cocaine thing that you and I have talked about before."

After an awkward pause, Henderson laughed to himself and said, "Thank you, Senator, I appreciate that."

While the Senate gallery laughed, and witnesses including NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg and former FBI director Louis Freeh snickered, Sessions sputtered, "Let me correct the record."

Sessions explained: "I misspoke. We're going to reduce the burden of penalties in some of the crack cocaine cases and make them fair."

Waiting for the Other Shoe...

Wolf Blitzer was salivating over it early this afternoon on "Late Edition":

BLITZER: President Bush made a surprise visit to Iraq this morning, the fourth and final trip of his presidency. Let's go to Michael Ware. He's our man in Baghdad, right now. Michael, what do we know?

WARE: Well, Bush -- well, Wolf...

(LAUGHTER)

... the most extraordinary thing. You may or may not believe this. We're getting reports from the press pool that flew in with President Bush, and apparently, just a short time ago, at a press conference with Prime Minister Maliki, an Iraqi man stood up in the press conference and threw a shoe at President Bush.

By the reports we're getting, it just sailed past his head. And while the man was dragged out of the room, President Bush is said to have remarked that, "This was a size 10 shoe he threw at me, you may want to know," even as the man was heard screaming in the hallway.

So this is all during President Bush's farewell trip, as it's billed, to Iraq, where he's celebrating the SOFA agreement struck between Baghdad and Washington to see the U.S. troops to go home. Wolf?

BLITZER: Wow. That's -- that's -- that's good. I'm sure that the videotape -- we'll get that pretty soon. Any idea when we'll get that video?

WARE: No. We're all waiting with bated breath. Now, we haven't seen many pictures coming out of the trip, but, given this was at a press conference, keep your fingers crossed. Let's hope we see something very soon, Wolf.

BLITZER: I'm sure we will. And we'll bring it to our viewers, Michael, as soon as we get it.

And here it is. Yes, it's as good as it sounds. How are you liking that 3-week vacation now, Jon Stewart?

Text Me, Barry

I was starting to fear that working in a para-journalistic field was starting to take its toll on me in the form of a growing addiction to instantaneous information, but it's even worse than I thought. Just stick the news wire in my veins.
Because I have just sold out my cell phone # and will now be receiving who knows how many paid-for-by-me messages about the Obama campaign over the next couple months, just so I can be among the First to Know who his VP choice is.
All I can say is, it better not happen while I'm sleeping.

By the way, his announcing that he's made up his mind while campaigning in Virginia makes Kaine look likely, but on the other hand, it could simply imply that he's spent enough time with Kaine now to rule him out. I'm going to stick with my guy Bayh, but Kaine is looking strong right now. He has the economic chops; Virginia is a critical state; and Obama may try to go for the "two fresh, young outsiders" approach and just focus on highlighting some more experienced Cabinet picks.

But, OK, I'll stop speculating and try to get some sleep. Is that reindeer hooves I hear? Or just campaign surrogates? On Blitzer, on Cavuto, on Brzezinski and Mitchell... Oh, gosh, this is bad.

Good Comeback, Paris.

Who says she can't act/ read a TelePrompter?
Better than some people, anyway.

It would be funny if "her" energy plan became the new gold standard in this election.

They Say More People Vote in American Idol...

... than in our national elections, so why not just make it all about the music?
In which case, Barack Obama (thanks to Will.I.Am and Obama Girl) and Mike Gravel (see recent post below) and, now, Ron Paul, are the only contenders. I have to admit the latter kind of rocks, no thanks to Paul himself. (You have to give Gravel credit for making a personal appearance in his own, even though it was just a cheap knock-off of Obama Girl's.)
I won't even bother to link to the song Hillary's people came up with (although, in retrospect, one can seeds the seeds of racial divide growing even in those earlier days, when one witnesses the sheer, overpowering white-ness of it.)
And so far, I don't see any submission yet from John McCain. I recommend a remix reflecting the trajectory of his Daily Show appearances.

More on humor, fear, postmodernism, Republicans, overanalysis, bears, etc.

On further reflection, perhaps Colbert, a Gen X-er who attended college in the '80s, is, in addition to the earning of a respectable living through the facilitation of laughter, attempting to deconstruct the news. Why didn't I think of it before?

Unfortunately, as with Western philosophy and literary theory, I don't know if cable/mainstream journalism is going to deconstruct itself (to reveal a newborn Walter Cronkite sitting on a lotus, underneath it all) so much as slowly and crappily devolve to the level of Fox News (although PBS may hold out for awhile... as Bush said in his remarks on the economy earlier this week, "I'm an optimistic people.")

But to prove I haven't completely forgotten how to laugh in the presence of a Republican presidential candidate, these lines from a McCain event today made me giggle, even more than the letter he likes to mention from the former drunken sailor who resents being compared to members of Congress.

OK, and I laughed at Huckabee on Colbert, too. But the prospect of him as our next president still scares the hell out of me. OK, McCain scares me a little bit, too. The last pol known to have broached the subject of criminal human-bear relations was Scooter Libby.

MCCAIN: And what happened? We presided over the largest increase in the size of government in history, but more importantly -- more importantly -- we allowed corruption to creep into the way we did business, my friends, and we've got to fix it. And as president, I'm going to fix it.

You know, a few years ago, we spent $3 million to study the DNA of bears in Montana.

Now, I don't know if that's a paternity issue or a criminal issue...

And on a lighter note, here's some live feed from Iowa right now...

As you can see, caucus races are quite complicated.

But the undeniable Quote of the Year...

... had to come from the Canadian prime minister, Stephen Harper, in explaining why he met the Dalai Lama in his office despite Chinese pressure for heads of state to shun him:

"I don't know why I would sneak off to a hotel room just to meet the Dalai Lama. You know, he's not a call girl."

As I say, he's a respected international spiritual leader."

I'm a big admirer of the Dalai Lama and mean no disrespect, either, but this makes me laugh very hard every time I hear it. And we thought our president had a way with words.

On that note, happy holidays, everyone!

And A Very Christopher Hitchens Xmas...

... at Reason Magazine's party last night.

He claimed to my date and I (my date being the Reasonable one, don't worry; I'm still a damn liberal) that no one until us -- I got an adorable photo with him; at least he was adorable, more svelte and charming in person; I always smile like a goofball next to famous people -- mentioned the war. No one mention the war! I may have mentioned it once or twice, but I think I got away with it ;) I think he laughed at my joke. In any case, we ended up with his abandoned final glass of whiskey when no one else would take it. I have the hangover to prove it. A good night.

What are they putting in Joe Scarborough's "Morning Joe"?

He was acting awful loopy during this interview with John Edwards yesterday... Good thing Mika Brzezinski was there to nervously laugh off his line about Republicans. Maybe it was truth serum. If only Fox News used the same catering people.

BRZEZINSKI: What do you make of what's going on in the Republican Party, with the surge of Governor Huckabee?

And some analysts might say that the Republicans don't know what they want yet, but Huckabee seems to be sticking, at least for now, and is winning heavily in several states...

(RAUCOUS LAUGHTER FROM SCARBOROUGH)

BRZEZINSKI: What?

SCARBOROUGH: Republicans never know what they want.

BRZEZINSKI: Well...

SCARBOROUGH: Other than war. We want war.

BRZEZINSKI: Oh, (OFF-MIKE) Don't listen to him.

(LAUGHTER)

What do you make of Governor Huckabee's surge so far?

What do you think voters are responding to here?

EDWARDS: Oh, I have to be honest. I don't spend a lot of time following what's happening on the Republican side...

(LAUGHTER)

BRZEZINSKI: That's smart.

Politico on Stephen Colbert's Alleged "Favorite Son" Bid

Ah, Politico, whether his run is for real or not, you're just playing into his hands by taking it so seriously with this lengthy analysis of the legal implications of the bid. You just want him to mention your article on his next show, don't you?
He may be fumbling giddily about on-air, drunken with the sheer bravado of it all, (he being the character rather than the "real" Stephen Cole-burt, of course) but I'm sure he has plenty of "people" around him who know what's what, and will advise him not to push it farther than will sell books and entertain his minions.
(Yes, there's already a copy sitting on our living room table, so I guess I'm one of said minions. And he should feel free to mention this post on his next show, too ;)

Belgium is not for sale...

... not any more, at least. (And I love the way the PR guy from eBay Belgium phrased it: "We decided to take [the ad] down, just to avoid confusion.")

This is the biggest headline I've seen involving Belgium since I left Belgium two weeks ago (and pretty much at any time in my life before traveling there as well.)

But seriously, folks, this is a great country in the heart of Europe with a history that's central to the story of Europe. It would be a darn shame to see it split into little sub-kingdoms and Brussels made into a no man's land like D.C., even if it would be so wealthy that no one actually living in city limits would probably care (quite unlike D.C.)

The House Cranky-Pants/Valley Girl Committee hashes over the WH subpoena question

Highlights:

RANKING MEMBER TOM DAVIS (R-VA): In a transparent attempt to give this witch hunt against Secretary Rice some heft, the majority also asks why the State Department doesn't support needle exchange programs -- duh; like, they're against U.S. law; that's why...

*

REP. MARK SOUDER (R-IN) to Chairman Waxman: This is not the way that former Chairman Tom Davis ran the committee, and you shouldn't do it, either.

The Furry Demographic

Well, Tom Vilsack already won my heart (if not my primary vote) with the "Aflac" gag on The Daily Show, but this (almost) clinches it.

I'm not kidding. He gets points for this (with me.)

Thanks to Wonkette

Acronym du Jour: GWOT (Global War on Terrorism)

I realize I'm behind the times and this has been in the lexicon for a while, but I just encountered it the other day, and it made me laugh out loud.
Since it's pronounced "G-Watt," or "G-Wot," rather than "Gwaht," my first thought was a gangsta rapper with an affinity for electric light bulbs, but maybe it could just be Tony Blair's pet name for his mate, the prez, based on George's habit of speaking with his mouth full.

Holiday Wish List: Talking Dr. Laura Doll

Because it's not enough to listen to her show faithfully every day (yes, you do detect sarcasm.) I must carry around a beaming, Barbie-sized replica to enlighten my day with chestnuts like:

"[Don't] argue with me. It makes me testy."
"[Is] this the hill you want to die on?"
"I am my kid's mom."
and
"Now, go do the right thing."
Click to listen.